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The Crap We Missed – Wednesday 7.2.14
Shia LaBeouf Isn’t In Rehab, He’s In AA
Lindsay Lohan Actually Sued ‘Grand Theft Auto V’
Kendra’s Breasts Aren’t Wearing A Wedding Ring
Beyonce’s Changing Song Lyrics To Make It Sound Like Jay Z Cheated On Her Now
Kendall Jenner & Hailey Baldwin Are In Bikinis
Lindsay Lohan Made It To 28

Posted: 02 Jul 2014 11:30 AM PDT

Welcome to Wednesday’s The Crap We Missed where we’re still holding strong with another robust gallery this holiday week, so stay tuned, because tomorrow I’m pretty sure we’re going to run our ninth update on the Kendra Wilkinson story after she trips over her own foot in front on her way into the airport which clearly indicates her husband’s penchant for paying to jerk people off. *uses Bachelor’s degree to wipe Manwich off face* So until then, please enjoy shiny new lesbian Ireland Baldwin in a bikini and the rest of the pictures that you’re now voraciously clicking through after following that link straight into an FBI database.

/r/CondomsAndZima,

- Photo Boy

Click Here To Start The Gallery

Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, INFphoto, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Shia LaBeouf Isn’t In Rehab, He’s In AA

Posted: 02 Jul 2014 11:00 AM PDT

Following his arrest for playing Marlboro Man Grab-Ass during a production of Cabaret, there were reports that Shia LaBeouf checked into rehab. Which apparently isn’t true, but his rep told TMZ he is attending AA meetings now making the real story here that Shia LaBeouf somehow has a rep. What the hell is that job like? “Sir, sir, I’m sure it looked like my client was trying to steal a homeless man’s food, but maybe the homeless man agreed to be hunted for sport? They do that sometimes. I saw a documentary on it with Ice-T. Riveting, stuff, just riveting. Now, if you’ll excuse, Mr. LaBeouf has a 10:30 restaurant pissing to attend. He’s quite European, you know.”

Photo: Splash News

Lindsay Lohan Actually Sued ‘Grand Theft Auto V’

Posted: 02 Jul 2014 10:14 AM PDT

As a bizarre 28th birthday present to herself, Lindsay Lohan officially filed her lawsuit against the makers of Grand Theft Auto V this morning despite it being proven completely horseshit back in December when she was drumming up press. Yahoo! Finance reports:

Lohan’s suit says a character named Lacey Jonas is an “unequivocal” reference to the “Mean Girls” and “Freaky Friday” star.
The suit says Lohan’s image, voice and styles from her clothing line are depicted. It says the game features West Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont hotel, where Lohan once lived.

I’m not going to waste my time going over this again, but to anyone even remotely familiar with celebrities, the character is a blatant satirical mash-up of Paris Hilton, Britney Spears and, yes, Lindsay Lohan who are all public figures and subject to such. As for the game featuring Chateau Marmont, it has, again, a satirical version of it – with a completely different name – and I know Lindsay would love to believe she’s super synonymous with the place, but literally every fucking celebrity in Hollywood parties and stays there at any given moment. As for why her lawyer hasn’t explained to her that this case is dead right out of the gate, sometimes it’s fun to work pro bono. (Pro bono is Latin for “bongs the dick,” right? I could never make it through John Grisham novels.)

Photos: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

Kendra’s Breasts Aren’t Wearing A Wedding Ring

Posted: 02 Jul 2014 09:26 AM PDT

Yesterday, because we’re in the middle of the whiz-bang, non-stop action vortex of the days before a holiday weekend, I posted about Kendra Wilkinson flushing her wedding ring down the toilet because it was given to her by a man who swore solemn vows of faithfulness only to turn around and give a transsexual $500 in exchange for mutual handjobs. It was a taut thriller as much as it was a childhood limerick. And now here she is in public without said ring even though just 30 seconds of conversations with Kendra would make “maybe she swallowed it” the most likely scenario. Regardless, there are at least five other more important things my trained eye noticed in these photographs:

1. She’s not wearing a bra.
2. She’s not wearing a bra.
3. She’s not wearing a bra.
4. The way she holds her phone in her left hand suggests she recently consumed a meal that was Mexican in origin. Chipotle. With fajita veggies, but no quacamole because her brother’s an alcoholic who’s prone to making rash accusations such as avocados are burglars and Diet Coke causes rickets. But she drank the Diet Coke anyway because her white blazer suggests rebellion in an unrebellious world. She took two sips before realizing her nanny’s cousin recently purchased a Hyundai. I want to say Sonata, but possibly an Elantra. It will last 47,572 miles before suffering a broken axle. She’ll forgo a free refill in light of this information.
5. Haha! Turkey’s done.

Photos: The Media Circuit/AKM-GSI

Beyonce’s Changing Song Lyrics To Make It Sound Like Jay Z Cheated On Her Now

Posted: 02 Jul 2014 08:52 AM PDT

It sounds like Beyonce could really use that yoga weekend with Gwyneth Paltrow – I’m joking. That’s Nazi shit. – because apparently she’s changing song lyrics to make it sound like Jay Z definitely cheated on her. And did I mention she’s doing this while she’s on tour with him? She’s doing this while she’s on tour with him. Via Jezebel:

The original lyrics are, “I’ll always remember feeling like I was no good / Like I couldn’t do it for you like your mistress could/Been ridin’ with you for six years [...] I gotta look at her in her eyes and see she’s had half of me."
The lyrics she performed are — with changes in bold, “I’ll always remember feeling like I was no good / Like I couldn’t do it for you like that wack bitch could/Been ridin’ with you for twelve years [...] I gotta look at her in her eyes and see she’s had half of me. She ain’t even half of me. That bitch will never be.”

When reached for comment, Jay Z said, “Lyrics? Shit, man, I just stare at her ass when I’m up there. She been saying words all them times? Damn. That’s the strangest thing any mothafucka’s ever told me. Bitch’s song got words. Like real ones? In English? Damn…”

Photos: Getty

Kendall Jenner & Hailey Baldwin Are In Bikinis

Posted: 02 Jul 2014 07:37 AM PDT

Here’s Kendall Jenner and Hailey Baldwin (Who spent an unusual amount of time staring at and photographing Kendall’s butt. Her father should pray for her.) paddleboarding in The Hamptons yesterday where they were somehow spotted and identified by the paparazzi from 8,000 yards away. Which almost makes you think they were tipped off, but who’d be dead enough inside to say, “Hey, you busy? Why don’t you drive two hours from the city and take pictures of my kid’s 18-year-old ass and her underage friend.” I don’t even think Satan would do that, and his daughter’s hot. — Get it? Hot? Hell? I’ll be in the garage with the car running.

Photos: AKM-GSI, Pacific Coast News

Lindsay Lohan Made It To 28

Posted: 02 Jul 2014 07:09 AM PDT

This right here. This is what I’m talking about. No one could survive that.

Because God looked down upon the cockroach and said, “Lo, shall you persevere against insurmountable odds and spread blowjays across the earth for all eternity as penance for your bespeckled form which is a blight upon my eyes,” Lindsay Lohan turned 28 today officially making her ineligible for The 27 Club even though that’s predominantly reserved for musicians and people with talent, so I never really got that joke. Anyway, while I’ve been repeatedly frustrated by her penchant for survival as others pass on, I should probably take comfort in knowing I’ll still have a job after some religion bombs us all to shit trying to destroy another one. The posts will practically write themselves. “So you’ll never guess who was late to the decontamination dome today. I’ll give you a hint: She has three legs and blows mutated snails for yellow-coke because it’s the good kind with the uranium in it.”